a classic touch.

My blog is made up of a happy, sad pattern. This post is about sad.
I’m sad because of all that I am not getting. Which consists of love, sleep, compassion, energy, etc.
I don’t even have the energy to type my usual short story. Just and unusual paragraph of whatever.

Moments where you can’t breathe because you feel as if it will alter something. Afraid to let go and continue. Dancing through time like a beautifully choreographed ballet, trying to find a steady partner to lift you up. A partner to help you sing a effortlessly duet of passion written by desire. How can a chorus leave you so breathless?

Love.

I love him, I love our daughter, I love our little family. I have never been so content and happy with my life, I just don’t know how to handle it.
Daniel is mine and will hopefully be mine forever. We have the most beautiful daughter I could have ever asked for.
It has been nice going months with no interferences, no real fights, and no real problems. No dumb skanks, no ex girlfriend or boyfriend drama, a no loss of hope.
It’s amazing that I fell into this and it has turned out to be the best thing I have ever done.
Daniel Walker is my best thing, Maelie Walker is my everything

I can not explain how much I love you. Every morning I wake up and I think of how happy I am, how lucky I am, and how much I appreciate your presence. This morning in particular, I realized how amazing we are together. I know that our appreciation for each other and our bond is only getting stronger by the hour.
The changes you have made for me and the changes you have made for our daughter are too much to list. You have grown into, in my eyes, the perfect man.
Everyone dwells on the things they have done wrong in life. I will admit, I’m guilty of doing so. Pessimism is in our nature whether you admit it or not. When it comes to you, boy, you are the light in my life. You are the boy who I dreamed of when I was a little girl. You are another thing to add to my list of “things my intuition was right about”.
What’s so amazing about our relationship is that there is an unspoken balance between us. We have a common respect for each other that other couples don’t. Not to mention that you make me feel beautiful and more than capable of being an amazing mother to our daughter.
You have made me into the woman I have always wanted to be. You make me golden.

I just want the Daniel I had a month ago.
I’m losing him, and I don’t know what to do.
I want my baby back.
I need my baby back.
I don’t want to cry myself to sleep like I used to.
Keep me happy? I can’t keep myself happy.

I am about 34 weeks pregnant right now. Every day I wake up with some different an painful issue with my body. It hard to live everyday like this. I can’t walk, eat, or sleep without being in pain.
No one understands.
Both of my best friends are unavailable. Krystal lives in Charleston and Kara works and goes to school 24/7. All I have is Daniel.
I am stuck at home all the time with nothing to do because I physically can’t do it. I just lay here watching over-played television shows while my daughter painfully moves around inside of me.
There are only a few mote weeks till she is here. It’s unfair because when you find out that you are pregnant, the woman has to completely change their lives right then, no exceptions. When it comes to men, on the other hand, they have 9 months to live their lives.
Daniel is going through a phase where he keeps going out because he won’t be able to soon…. Which is understandable, but tonight I really needed him. He didn’t even listen to what I had to say, he just made up his mind and decided to go out.
I am losing my mind here. I have no chance to do anything. And everytime he has been home lately it has been for his recuperation from the night before or a long day at work. Or when he has a day off he would be cleaning… We only have a couple weeks to have real alone time together, and I live off it. That’s all I have left pretty much.
But no one understands…
I have lost my identity. I am now referred to as “momma” instead of my birth name. I’m just the super pregnant girl that sits at home while her boyfriend goes out and experiences his “last chance“‘s.
But like I said before, no one is ever going to understand.
Although there are other pregnant girls and mothers out there, no one will understand how I feel. They can’t. No one can feel my pain as I do.
No one will ever understand.

Although I am in so much pain… I am so freakin’ happy. I have found the one person that I think that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I know whoever may read this has seen that I have been on a roller coaster of emotions in these past few months, especially with Daniel. But with no doubt about it, all of that pain was worth it.

I am in a relationship with a man who i never argue with. We see eye to eye on everything. We care for each other so much, and we would do anything for each other. He takes care of me and I do the same for him. When I’m not with him I can’t stop thinking about him. When I am with him I can’t help but to think how lucky I am to have him.

My mother always taught me not to deal with people that don’t treat me right, that no one can change into something you want… That people are who they are. But one thing I taught myself and I will teach my daughter is to follow your intuition. It takes a while to determine exactly what your intuition is telling you, but when you determine what it is, it could lead you where you need to go.

My intuition told me to never give up. Although I cried, hurt, and almost gave up… I stayed as strong as I could and I fought for what I wanted. It turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done.

I am in love with the most amazing guy who loves me back just as much. We are expecting a beautiful child that neither of us can wait for. I am building a family with this guy that i never expected to fall for, and I am never going to give this up.

I hope my daughter is as happy as I am one day… Just as long as she is happy, I couldn’t ask for anything better.

Don’t you love when you are upset and NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!? Yeah, being pregnant is easy and I’m crying wolf about how shitty I feel. FUCK YOU.

I can’t stop thinking about how happy I am. Everything has been going amazingly with my relationship, getting everything ready for the baby, and I have been emotionally stable which is strange for a pregnant woman.
Daniel has been freakin’ amazing and we grow closer every day. He has his priorities in order and he has been doing such a great job with everything… I couldn’t be any more proud of him! We cuddle every night, and he gets upset if I don’t come to bed with him. It’s adorable. I can’t explain how wonderful it is to have someone say “I love you” first.
I can not wait for Maelie to come. Daniel and I are so scared/excited. It’s going to be terrific no matter what.

I love my little family

Daniel and I are finally in a relationship! He asked me to be his girlfriend last night in the car on the way home…. I am so happy! I don’t even know what else to say.